God, I needed to hear from You tonight...

Of course she has a boyfriend...

...she only invited you to hike cause of similar interest. And in the two weeks that you planned the hike she was able to hook up with some top heavy, tanktop wearing, cholo.

And in my mind I tell myself, "I told you so, Jude. I TOLD YOU!"

To Delete Means Forever

I just went through my contacts list and deleted 173 people I no longer talk to.

And it feels good. It's like saying, "I don't need you in my life anymore. Good riddance." I also deleted over 300 pictures. It seriously feels like a renewal or flush of sorts. Like bad juju be gone!

“Two little lines I heard one day,
Traveling along life’s busy way;
Bringing conviction to my heart,
And from my mind would not depart;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, yes only one,
Soon will its fleeting hours be done;
Then, in ‘that day’ my Lord to meet,
And stand before His Judgement seat;
Only one life,’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, the still small voice,
Gently pleads for a better choice
Bidding me selfish aims to leave,
And to God’s holy will to cleave;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, a few brief years,
Each with its burdens, hopes, and fears;
Each with its clays I must fulfill,
living for self or in His will;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

When this bright world would tempt me sore,
When Satan would a victory score;
When self would seek to have its way,
Then help me Lord with joy to say;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Give me Father, a purpose deep,
In joy or sorrow Thy word to keep;
Faithful and true what e’er the strife,
Pleasing Thee in my daily life;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Oh let my love with fervor burn,
And from the world now let me turn;
Living for Thee, and Thee alone,
Bringing Thee pleasure on Thy throne;
Only one life, “twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, yes only one,
Now let me say,”Thy will be done”;
And when at last I’ll hear the call,
I know I’ll say “twas worth it all”;
Only one life,’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last. ”

— extra stanza —

Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.
And when I am dying, how happy I’ll be,
If the lamp of my life has been burned out for Thee.”
C.T Studd

Use of the word "cockblock" just makes the story funnier

Should I Date A Godly Woman I am Not Attracted to?

According to Ask Pastor John from Desiring God, I should pursue a Godly friendship first.

Makes sense because as a guy I dont want to lead a woman on (as I know I've done in the past). "Love comes softly" says a Christian Romance movie I once watched(Kathrine Hiegl was in it and I was crushing hard at the time, so yeah :P).

Friends first and if it develops into something more, they hey, praise the Lord. If not, you still have a friend.

You can lose a relationship, but friendships are a tad harder... unless of course you really screw up... like so... but thats a story for another time.

[EDIT]

Same time every year, the same scriptures every year. The bible says, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord" (Prov 18:22). It is the finding that is most difficult.

But let's say I did find her, but she is not what I imagine. Maybe this is because of my skewed imagination of who I thought I would make my wife. 

I really need to pray on this hard. 

[EDIT]

Things come full circle. I got called out on my dream and by prayer. Let's be real. I desire to be married one day. I really do. The only thing that is stopping me is myself. I have fears and apprehensions. Well... I guess I'll let the pictures speak for themselves.

P.O.V. (with thoughts)

Earlier today I wrote a poem (which is below). With that poem I asked a couple of questions

-which scenario is more realistic?
-which person do you see yourself as?
-could you accept the person or not? Why?

Half an hour later, God answers my questions with this article from Desiring God.

I know my misdeeds of the past. I know I've fallen short in terms of disciplining my sexual temptations. I see myself as the one asking the question in both poems. The first answer is what I'd long to hear, the second is what I fear.

I know God has forgiven me, but can my future spouse? Can i hold out while still burning?

Lord, help me.

Words

Words can build you up
Words can break you down
Start a fire in your heart or
Put it out

Let my words be life
Let my words be truth
I don't wanna say a word
Unless it points the world back to You

~Words, Hawk Nelson

~~~~~~
Was talking to Maica a few hours back. She expressed her desire to lose weight and honor the Lord according to her devotion she had last night.

She also expressed that there were toxic people in her life that God told her to get rid of. "It hurts when God tells you to get rid of people that you love."

I prayed that God would bring people into her life that would encourage her and build her up. People that would be a "balm to her soul."

She said she needed to hear that.

Words, written and spoken, are powerful. Bible says life and death are in the power of the tongue. I know this is a issue for me.

I often think my writing will not affect anyone, yet just now someone commented on my last poem (coping mechanism) that it "hit the spot." Does my writing build up or break down? Does my speech do the same? Heck, does this blog build up or break down? Can I encourage with what I write?

God, can my blog be used as a means to show the life of a Christian? Can it be used to build up and cause others to think deeply of their walk? Can my blog, poems, ect and all that is written and I will ever write, point to You?

Amen.

Coping Mechanisms (Poem) [EDIT]

Sometimes
When life gets unbearable
The pressure unavoidable
We revert
Back to old things
Old ways of thinking
Of living of being

Or

We fashion ourselves new toys to play
New reasons to get away
A plethora of answers to make us stay

The same

Because sudden change in our own little
Atmosphere
Brings us to that primal state
Fear

Because we know not how to cope
With loss of life and/or love

~~~~~~~~
I'm an observer. I like to people watch and see how they interact (or not interact) with each other. I often wonder why people post certain pictures or say certain things on Social Media. Apparently, it is bad form to call someone out on things or ask them bluntly why they do/say/think/write/post/ ect whatever it is they ect...

But sometimes, I do. I ask why. I'd like to believe some people seek the attention and want someone to ask them why. Others just want a reason to talk/vent so I would hope me asking "the why" would allow me to be the balm to their soul.

It's gotten me in more trouble than I'd like, but it is what I believe makes me unique. And in that way, I usually turn their thoughts into words and ideas. People are my launch pads for my poems and writings. I guess you could say I use people. But why does that always have to be seen in a negative connotation? Don't we all use each other at some point? You cannot tell me you've never used someone for something. Everyone does.

So... with that poem, yes I used someone. I observed what their life was like in a few still frames and post and gathered what I believed to see. It is about a young man who after having his heart broken, reverted back to childish things because he found comfort in that. And what more, he found likeminded individuals to join in his pain through play. Play is their medication.